Brown Bag Brooks

Michael Vick and Other Assholes

2007-07-18T12:23:00.000-04:00

At the gym today, I was trapped watching (through closed captioning) either an ESPN show featuring Kevin James and Jessica Biel debating something about Dwayne Wade, or a CNN loop which included a piece on dogfighting. They were kind enough to show an actual dogfight, but not the stand-up citizens in attendance. If they are sick enough to go to these things, why not broadcast their sick-fuck

I Can't Wait For Hairspray To Hit Theaters!

2007-07-11T16:44:00.000-04:00

Because it will mean I'm one day closer to the end of those commercials with John Travolta in a fat suit. 'Twil be a glorious, joyous day.I'd also like to salute the nascent genius who concocted the wildly original concept for "Who's Your Caddy". Slobs versus snobs at a country club? What a great idea (tagline), though it was better when Caddyshack came up with it twenty-odd years ago. And,

In Today's Penis Enlargement Email...

2007-07-06T15:35:00.000-04:00

It's hard to imagine the conversion rate for the hordes of penis enlargement emails coming from former soviet states and other eastern bloc IP's. If you're sending to millions at a time, how many click through to your site?Well, there's one thing I'm sure of: you could be doing a lot better. Punch up the writing a bit and stop leaving money on the table.Phrases like "Now your phallus will be in

Bringing out the big guns.

2007-07-05T14:20:00.001-04:00

Yes, this is a shamefully cute picture of my dog, Jersey. The little scamp stole into our lives this past December via the Durham APS. Early estimates pegged her as an Akita, then Corgi, and even Chow(?!). I guess we'll never know how she or her three sisters ended up in the shelter.Since there was no interest in a bear-killing Akita, the pups didn't get much attention until their pen was

Brilliant Drivel?

2007-07-03T16:28:00.000-04:00

Check out the wicked bad corporate speak I came up with for our networking referral push:The network is an important commodity these days; seemingly ubiquitous telecom commercials extol the power of their network and social networking websites are more popular than ever. Whether you manufacture routers or sell widgets, leveraging the potential in your network makes smart business sense.Pretty

Wedding Season

2007-07-03T13:58:00.000-04:00

Those older, and potentially wiser, than I will snicker in delight to hear how wedding season has descended upon me. I agree, I should have seen this coming. Apparently one's mid to late twenties are reserved for painful career realizations and an expensive string of wedding invites.This year's slate includes two good friends and one cousin. I already had to pass on another cousin's nuptials

Jeep Grand Cherokee vs Toyota 4Runner

2007-06-13T13:25:00.000-04:00

I've recently had the experience of taking several road trips in rental vehicles and thought it was time I share my feelings with the world. I have not looked at the specs for either; I don't know the horsepower or cubic feet of storage. This is based on feel over stats.The Jeep was used for a 12 hour NC to NY drive, while the Toyota made the shorter 9 hour voyage to NJ - both trips gave me

I Made a YouTube video, how 2.0 of me!

2007-06-06T17:10:00.000-04:00

Holy crap. I've made a video on youtube. We got our new Big Bronto and held some sort of pagan inflation ritual. Pretty typical Tuesday.

In Search of Greatness

2007-06-04T16:40:00.000-04:00

A life of import, of value - giving more to the world than I take. This is what I want. Is this what everyone wants?I wonder if most wish for a simple life of family and comfort, an enjoyable string of moments with friends and loved ones, only rarely punctuated by the tragic and harsh realities of being a modern being. What do they, "the most", really want?And what of the others, those who

Duke, Why I Hate Thee So...

2007-02-21T09:30:00.000-05:00

February 7th was a personal holiday, as is Marth 4th. Carolina vs Duke, right vs wrong, good vs evil. At least that's the way it feels.As I paced my living room and hurled obscenities at Carolina's inability to deny wide open 3's, I realized how much I hate Duke. Where does this come from?It started, in part, alongside my contempt for Notre Dame. The children of my Buffalo (NY) suburb bought

Somewhere Only We Know?

2007-02-20T21:42:00.000-05:00

This guy on American Idol just sang a Keane song. Another sign of the end days? That was actually entertaining...

Paleontologist is also a Creationist

2007-02-14T10:13:00.000-05:00

The science world is all a titter with the outing of this apparent heretic, a phd candidate who studies paleontology and also takes a literal belief in scripture. And why shouldn't they be?I feel bad for the guy...because he's an idiot. The Earth is 10k years old? And you wrote a 200 page paper on the abundance and spread of mosasaurs? One of these is clearly a work of fiction. Does either

Fox Business Channel will be pro-corporation?

2007-02-09T14:35:00.000-05:00

The NYT reports that Fox's new business channel will be friendlier to corporations, according to big cheese Rupert Murdoch. Seriously? Friendlier to corporations?Murdoch went so far as to say they'll be “more business friendly than CNBC” who apparently likes to “leap on every scandal." Finally the consumer of business media will have an alternative to the bra-burning radicals over at CNBC.Fox

Ridiculous.

2007-02-03T20:56:00.000-05:00

Un-fucking-believable. We lost to the bottom of the barrel, the scum of the conference. We (not me, I just watched) lost to fucking State. Classic look-ahead game; UNC was thinking about Duke, not the under-estimated Wolfpack.So, State fans, we'll see you in March. Oh wait, you won't be there. Have fun in the NIT, if you get in. It's a long road up from where you are.Yes, I'm really bitter

Favorite Movies?

2006-12-04T21:07:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about it over the weekend. How do I rank? By story,craft, acting, all the above? Or just in my enjoyment? What aboutwatchability--will I watch it repeatedly? That might not be fair. TheUsual Suspects was great to watch the first time, but not nearly as goodagain. Should I be ranking the first watch? Because Tenenbaums gotsignificantly better over time. I'm going to say

The World is Spinning Too Fast

2006-12-01T16:04:00.000-05:00

Today's harbinger of the apocalypse: the senior citizens collected around a table at the mall...most wearing a Bluetooth headset.

Thieving Bastards

2006-11-20T17:10:00.000-05:00

Email from me to my coworkers. Company wide broadcast. I think it speaks for itself.Dear Thief,You have defiled the sanctity of my workspace; I can no longer labor in unperturbed peace and tranquility. You have thrown a rock into a still pond; kicked a sleeping dog; whizzed on the electric fence.You stole my trash can.If returned promptly there will be no (or perhaps minimally hostile)

Can You Smell It?

2006-10-09T21:22:00.000-04:00

If there was a weekend, there was home improvement. Karen and I spent the two-day reprieve from work doing, well, more work. Unsatisfied with the pale blue color we initially chose, it was time to replace it with something more fun. After some deliberation we settled on a Ralph Lauren color called Loft. It's a gray that leans toward blue. It's not nearly as drab as it sounds. Coat 1 went on

You spin me right round baby right round...

2006-09-18T12:35:00.000-04:00

Some people spend their weekend relaxing, recovering from a hard fought week at work. Me? I spent my weekend on a ladder, hanging four ceiling fans in three bedrooms. That's right, four into three. Confused? I'll break it down for you.Here is the light which previously graced all three bedrooms-Step one, turn off master bedroom power via circuit breaker. Plain and simple, I don't mess

Relocation, adulthood, childhood, cell phones, and music.

2006-09-15T15:31:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time. Long, long time. I considered putting this blog out of its misery and moving forward with something entirely new. But I still like what's been done here...and I want it to be accessible to future readers (if any). The quarterlife crisis which has plagued some of my friends, and missed others, has been visited upon my head for two years now. If, at 27, I'm

What'd You Call Me?

2005-12-22T12:56:00.000-05:00

Family Portrait I've worked here for nearly two months and things have gotten comfortable. Routines established, people avoided, personality blemishes tolerated. Then someone has to undo the nettings and mix everything up.The lunchlady referred to me as "this kid." That's right, we have two or three lunch ladies for our cafe(teria) who run the register and stock the styrofoam cups next

Daily Trials

2005-10-26T17:14:00.000-04:00

Breaking our self imposed rule on not eating in restaurants, the wife and I met up for lunch at the Olive Garden near her office. We got a table within five minutes. Server came by, took the order, brought back salad and breadsticks. And then, nothing. We waited nearly 40 minutes without seeing hide nor hair of our server. With the lunch break draining into nothingness, I got the

Fell Off The Wagon

2005-10-25T15:35:00.000-04:00

It's a damn good thing I'm not an alcoholic...because yesterday I wouldn't have fallen off the wagon, I would have flipped it over, burned it to the ground, and then shot the driver. It was that kind of day."You are not your job."My new job, which will be another 'rat in the cubicle maze' kind of thing, was scheduled (please say this with a British accent: shed-eweled) to begin today 10/24.

Another Waiter Thing

2005-10-12T16:54:00.000-04:00

The movie Waiting has made me reflect on my experiences behind the apron. Here is an account of the typical white trash customer:1.) Walk in with a lit cigarette. It's not like I didn't figure out who you were by the NASCAR hat and the shirt with the arms conveniently missing, but this leaves no room for doubt. 2.) Put all six kids on one side of the booth so you can see the TV in the bar.

For You Sinners

2005-10-04T17:52:00.000-04:00

Let Us Pray

2005-09-23T17:24:00.000-04:00

. Click HERE for an MP3 of the Buffalo Beast's prank call to the 700 Club.What kind of job is this? Taking phone prayers? Where do I apply?

A Cavalier Thought?

2005-09-23T00:08:00.000-04:00

virginia1 Originally uploaded by me.

Bush Family Vacation

2005-09-15T19:53:00.000-04:00

Bush Family Vacation Originally uploaded by ME, bitch!. Please understand that I'm not making light of the tragedy to hit the Gulf Coast. My wife and I donated to the Red Cross as well as bestfriends.org, an animal rescue working in the area.That said, this is the fucking truth. Political commentary at its finest. Where is Kanye?"Vacation, all I ever wanna do..."

Did I ever think I'd be happy to see gas at $3.29 a gallon?

2005-09-14T23:48:00.000-04:00

. In a word, no. In two words, fuck no. I certainly knew that fuel costs would continue to escalate as time went on, but in my mind, that would be the price for a gallon of horse semen to fuel my sperm-propulsion hybrid hover car in the year 2028 (patent pending, obviously). Is there a more abundant natural resource than sperm? Hell, each...um..."semen battallion" contains millions of

Designer Lunch

2005-09-13T11:35:00.000-04:00

. Headed into the communal kitchen to wash my water bottle, I saw the best lunch bag ever: a Prada shopping bag. I would attribute this to either a very snarky, anti-consumerism environmentalist showing his or her idea of using a Prada "bag", or, more likely, one of the young women in the office next door trying to upsell her image to the other females toiling in obscurity. Seeing how

Jason Mulgrew dot com

2005-09-08T14:01:00.000-04:00

Mulgrew can be a really funny read at times. Dig through the archives and you'll find some genious comedy. This paragraph had me laughing out loud at work today. Why was I reading this at work? Shut your fucking face. What are you, some kind of NARC? It's about Cold Stone Creamery and their policy of singing when you tip them. I couldn't agree more..."The sad thing is that I don't think I

Lunch Quiz

2005-09-07T15:47:00.000-04:00

Does the kitchen at work smell like:a.) Curried mystery meatb.) Burnt maple syrupc.) Something remotely palatabled.) A and B but not Ce.) All of the aboveThe correct answer is...D. Congratulations, you win. Joy.

Five Stars

2005-09-07T12:05:00.000-04:00

Sherry?Once in a while I prove to my wife that I am truly the jackass that she imagines me to be. This particular incident took place back in 01 or 02; I can't accurately remember.We were up in Jersey on a mini-vacation from NC. Being the discount travelers we are, we booked three nights in NYC at a hotel on Madison Avenue. This was back in the day when you could still get a great deal through

LDR, again

2005-09-06T20:48:00.000-04:00

blointl Originally uploaded by ME. Once again I find myself in a long distance relationship, if only for two weeks. My wife is setting up the new homestead in Buffalo while I'm finishing my last two weeks of work here in Jersey. I should be using this time to concentrate on the various projects that need pruning, yet I feel so unhealthy that I'm getting little to nothing done. The

Second choice photo

2005-08-25T10:48:00.000-04:00

Lindsay diet(&)coke This was the early front-runner to be the photo representing cocaine and its many splendors in my previous post. Unfortunately, Lindsay slipped to 2nd place when she collapsed halfway through the selection process due to fatigue and narcotic withdrawal.She's...so...gross...

Cultural vacuum

2005-08-25T10:30:00.000-04:00

It's with a frightening regularity that my wife accuses me of being evil: being able to boil holy water, angering god, no heart, etc. It has caused me to be more cognizant of situations where I might be fitting this accusation all too well.This morning, at the Mobil on the Parkway (have to fill up today, prices change on Fridays), I'm parked next to a passenger van. The driver is wearing a

The cat has escaped its bag

2005-08-24T09:13:00.000-04:00

CoverMayOriginally uploaded by BRM. The word is now official: we are moving to Buffalo. No more secrecy, no more back alley planning and research. I gave my notice on Monday (4 weeks! I'm such a good guy) and the painful process of moving shall commence.Many or most of you may wonder why the hell a young couple such as ourselves would move to an industrial graveyard of a city like Buffalo; a

Eat the rich (kids)

2005-08-24T08:55:00.000-04:00

I really must make an effort to stop being angry that I wasn't one of the children born to money. The greeting cards say that if I work hard and persevere (perspire), I'll get the things I want PLUS the satisfying feeling of achievement that the rich-born will never know. Sacrifice? Hard work? How lame (read: I suck at staying focused long enough to achieve anything significant).

The New Global Economy (or why Neil Young is screwing with my business)

2005-08-20T17:05:00.000-04:00

So we called one of our suppliers regarding a missing shipment. He apologizes, claiming that he is out of stock on the papers we need because Neil Young has bought the world supply. Pardon?Yes, while I've been taking Mr. Young's advice and rocking in the free world, he has decided that his new album insert should be printed on my rare Nepalese paper. To make this happen, his people have been

Gaza Strip Club

2005-08-19T08:47:00.000-04:00

Have I ever been interested in the Israel-Palestine debacle? Not really. My stance has been clear: shut up. I'm sick of hearing about this never ending struggle to live on a desolate patch of sand. Both sides are equally annoying.Palestinians- Stop bombing people. Do you want to be taken seriously as a state? Then stop blowing shit up in Israel. It only strengthens their resolve.Israelis-

The Australian Sexual Euphemism Matchting Game

2005-08-17T11:33:00.000-04:00

As long as I've started it, I might as well post this list of Australian euphemisms and dysphemisms. Can you match the description at top with its meaning on the bottom? The winner gets nothing. And Australians can't play...that would be cheating.Euphemism To part the corn beef curtains Blue veined

Wetter Record Settor

2005-08-17T10:36:00.000-04:00

At twenty six years, 7 months, and 7 days old, I have:Taken a LeakTaken a WhizMade TinklePissedMade WeeweeMicturatedRelieved MyselfSpent a PennyIntroduced Mr. Thick Dick to Mr. UrinalDrained the SnakeDrained the LizardDrained the Main VeinGone Number OnePointed Percy at the PorcelainSplashed One's BootsHad a

Overheard in New York, again

2005-08-08T15:58:00.000-04:00

It's that time again. Time to lift the best stuff from Overheard in New York.College girl #1: Ooh, bubble tea. I've never tried that. I see signs for it everywhere.College girl #2: I think it's chai tea but with little balls of tapioca.College girl #1: Like tapioca pudding kind of tapioca?College girl #2: No, like...they're bigger. They're blobs and they're kind of black.College girl #1: No

Why not...

2005-08-05T11:49:00.000-04:00

Ever visit T-Shirt Hell? Very funny stuff. Here's a list of the funnier phrases I came across. I certainly don't agree with all of them, but they're funny enough to pass on. Check out the site because many of the shirts with funny graphics need to be seen (and can't be described here). It's not that I'm above stealing their graphics and reposting them, it's more of a laziness thing.Here's the

Can't Resist

2005-08-04T14:08:00.000-04:00

This is some funny stuff. The top pic is the original, and all others are the hilarious variations that people sent in.Don't view this one unless you're already going to hell.When you're done laughing, this is just as evil.

Fire Safety

2005-08-04T08:50:00.000-04:00

My office has strategically placed fire extinguishers, presumably for my safety. I am, after all, valuable company property. Though not as important as the 450mhz Pentium II on my desk, I'm still worth keeping around.Like any fire extinguisher, there is a pin that goes through the handle to prevent premature expulsion of the white foam if someone touches the handle by accident. What amuses me:

Investment Advice

2005-08-03T10:16:00.000-04:00

News Flash! Someone took the time to email me, that's right, ME, important investment advice. I'm so lucky. Let's take a look at the highlights of the message:"We Told last week at 1.20 to WATCH and now its $2.35 andwe think it goes to $4.00 on expected news this week..."Slow down big fella, what's the rush? You sound like an out of breath five year old with ADD. But, I'm listening.Harbin

I Need Shaming

2005-08-03T08:51:00.000-04:00

It's come to my attention that 7 months on the job has exaggerated the roundness of my gut. 18 pounds worth of hyperbole. Okay, I wasn't in the best shape when I started. I was thin, body fat in the 7-9% range. My pants were all 32 or 33", depending on the style. Working in the restaurant provided a healthy amount of miles walked and/or run in a typical day.Now, the body fat is at a

Robster, Robster

2005-08-02T14:11:00.000-04:00

The weekend is definitely over. And I'm sunburned like a bitch. We had a good little holiday, had some ups and downs, but things will be okay.Friday traffic was a headache, getting stuck on the Cross Bronx for about an hour. Total trip took about 4.5 hours, including a desperate meal stop at a deserted diner off I95. Checked into the hotel and just hung out as it was late and we were both

Gonna find me some religion

2005-08-02T12:13:00.000-04:00

You are a Self-DiscovererYou're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality.Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine.You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion.You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.What's Your Religious Philosophy?

Gone for the weekend

2005-07-29T16:37:00.000-04:00

The wife and I are off to Connecticut for the weekend to celebrate our one year anniversary. We've got tickets to see Martin Sexton tomorrow night. Those who know him, you know what's going on. One year already...rather shocking. Do you want to see our year by the numbers? Do you? Do you know who you're dealing with? Right.2- Places we moved5 -Jobs we've had between us2 -Times our AC has

These are the people in my neighborhood.

2005-07-26T08:39:00.000-04:00

It's about time that I give mention to some of the folks who work in the same building. They work for the other companies, so I don't know them personally, but they cross my path almost every day.First are the Eastern European guys who work at the hedge fund. Other people in their office dress like Gordon Gecko, they prefer the vintage flannel shirt and a Nordic beard. Odd, but just fine.

Lunch in a Jiffy

2005-07-25T16:53:00.000-04:00

My mistake. I opted to use my lunch break to get the oil changed in the Jetta. Jiffy Lube on 27 has been good to me in the past (last time was less than 20 minutes), so I hustled over there. Prompt check in, the car rolls over the pit, they start the process. The team leader comes in to upsell me the pine scent and armor all, which I politely decline, but I do spring for the tire rotation. This

Where the hell am I going?

2005-07-22T15:47:00.000-04:00

Got my hat. Keys are in the ignition. And I'm not moving.I've reached the crossroads of my life and it's crippled me. Not only can I not make the big decision, I can't seem to make any decisions. Perhaps if I choose nothing, then whatever happens can't be my fault. Innocent by abstinence.I don't have to tell you how foolish this is. Not making choices doesn't stop time, no one

Columbus OH Bans Assault Weapons: NRA Cancels Convention There

2005-07-19T08:20:00.000-04:00

This is a good thing. I'm pretty damn sure of it. So why does anyone care when the NRA starts stamping its feet like a two year old who doesn't get another Ritz cracker?"Thanks to the Columbus City Council, 65,000 people will not be coming to your wonderful Greater Columbus Convention Center in 2007," Wayne LaPierre, the rifle association's executive vice president, said in a news conference

Wednesday Annex (7/12)

2005-07-13T09:43:00.000-04:00

I usually don't undercut my own posting, but these bites from Overheard in New York are too good to miss:A blind Black man with a Star of David is holding court.Black man: The Pope is a faggot. They molested my kids. I want to go to church, but I can't because they molested my kids...now all White people are faggots.Hispanic guy #1: How come they have kids?Black man: Silence, you will wait until

Wednesday Wasting (7/13)

2005-07-13T08:55:00.000-04:00

Okay, before you jump all over my shit for being so lazy with posts, let me just say this: a whole bunch of new information has come to light, man, and if you were privy to the new shit, you'd be a lot more forgiving.That said, let's move forward. I can't talk about any of our job situations, except to say that Karen' stress level has gone into the red. Not good.Those who know, know that we

Saturday Sensation 7/9

2005-07-10T00:15:00.000-04:00

Uhh, yeah, I've been a little busy lately, sorry to be so out of touch. Here's what I've been up to.Today:9:00 - Dentist appointment. Five cavities? What the hell is that?10:30 - 1:00 - Soup kitchen in Newark.1:00 - 1:30 - Race back to Red Bank, fight the fucking shore traffic.1:30 - 2:30 - Frantically clean house before guests arrive.2:30 - 6:30 - Entertain guests at home, then at

One more Friday

2005-07-01T12:10:00.000-04:00

Since I'm posting so much today, I thought I'd copy a few clips from www.OverheardInNewYork.com, one of the funniest websites I've ever read. The link is to your left. Your OTHER left.A Black kid and his Hispanic girlfriend are arguing on the train. The kid is holding her in the seat and she is trying to rip off his shirt. The entire car is watching, as if it were a car wreck. Hispanic girl:

More Friday, 7/1

2005-07-01T12:07:00.000-04:00

-Karen called to say she's been looking at houses in Alabama. No. NO, no, NO, no, NO! How would I tell my parents? I'd rather explain the finer points of my sex life to a priest while riding a school bus packed with every teacher I've ever had.

Vendredi, el primo de julio.

2005-07-01T11:06:00.000-04:00

-Holiday weekend is nigh. I can smell it, and it smells patriotic. To quote Apu, celebrate your country's independence by blowing up a small piece of it. Or did he say large piece? Hmm, my Simpsons recall is failing me.-Karen's father will be in town tonight, and possibly tomorrow. I keep forgetting about this because I forget about most things. It's my defense mechanism against the

Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday 6/28

2005-06-28T12:57:00.000-04:00

-Losing my fucking mind today.-I probably need an attitude adjustment, at least that's what I've been told in the past. Not since the early 90's, but the situation is similar enough.-Some people don't have to go through this...-Just returned from lunch at Subway. After I got my sandwich and sat down, they quickly ran out of all bread except honey oat and wheat. A woman came in and looked at

More Monday for the offering

2005-06-27T13:13:00.000-04:00

-Winter is the time for work; summer for play. This is the message ingrained on my psyche by years of experience. It is once again summer, and I am trapped.Most people tend to romanticize the past and I am no exception. Last summer was a whirlwind of planning and travel for the wedding and honeymoon. There isn't a question in my mind; I would trade anything to go back. -Before that was 2003,

Monday Malaise 6/27

2005-06-27T08:39:00.000-04:00

-Another weekend, over. Another paradise, lost. While driving home from work last Wednesday I saw a disturbing sight in the water off one of the larger bridges of my commute. Out there, in the channel, were sailboats. And they were sailing. I spend my whole week in a four sided beige hell and some ass-clown is spending the day sailing? Where is the justice? I previously spoke of a blue

Freakin' Friday 6/24

2005-06-24T12:48:00.000-04:00

-Whew, that was a long night. Went to the Yankees game with my Dad last night; had a great time. Tickets, free. Parking, $12. Two sodas, one hotdog, one pretzel, $18.50. Taking my Dad to Yankees stadium for the first time, priceless.-There were four guys sitting behind us that didn't shut up. Thankfully they were 30-something contractors from Lawn G'Island and it was hilarious to hear them

Wednesday Wealth (6/22)

2005-06-22T10:42:00.000-04:00

-I don't do this often, but take a look at this article in New York Magazine: Con Man. Long, but very interesting.-More later.-It's later, and it took me 110 minutes to drive home. Fantastic. What did I do with Kevorkian's number? It was here somewhere...

Tuesday Tussle (6/21)

2005-06-21T20:50:00.000-04:00

-Dad gets here on Thursday. We're going straight to the Yankees game from my office. He is more excited than I think I've ever seen him. Apparently he's some sort of closeted Yanks fan. Who knew?-I sat Gunfighter at lunch today. Subway can be a dangerous place. Confused? Good, class is about to begin for those who don't know. The rest of you can take five or skip to the next bullet point.

Monday Mania (6/20)

2005-06-20T08:53:00.000-04:00

Remembering the already lost weekend: Kevin and I discussed a the romance of a blue collar life. It's fun to imagine working somewhere remotely near your home, punching the clock at 5, home by 5:20. Play with the kids, presumably drink a beer, basically spend time with your family for once instead of the commuters. It's a bit fantastical though; I don't want to explain to my kids why they will

Weekend Uptime 6/19

2005-06-19T16:50:00.000-04:00

-I took a good look at my own under-arm hair today, and, I have to say, I'm a little freaked out. There isn't a good reason for this feeling. Just random discomfort with a physical feature that I should be used to by now. Could be worse, I could have hair in all similar crevice like areas such as between my fingers and toes. Maybe I'll skip dinner...lunch is creeping back into my mouth.-Had a

More Friday

2005-06-17T12:17:00.000-04:00

Did I say that I don't like baseball, except at the park? Well the boss just gave me Yankees tickets for next week. Apparently I am aligned with the universe. Let's see how far this will go:I don't like Ferrai F430's, except in black.We'll see what happens.Today's vocab word:execrable1. Extremely inferior; very bad2. Unequivocally detestable3. Deserving a curseThe traffic on my daily commute

Friday Fantasy 6/17

2005-06-17T10:20:00.000-04:00

My fantasy is that this weekend never ends.Yes, I'm blogstipated. I'll try to spend some time updating when I get a chance.I only like baseball if I'm at the park, and I hate when I get anything sticky on my hands while driving. I'm afraid it will spread to the steering wheel and I can't live with that.

Thursday the 16th, TPS reports?

2005-06-16T15:56:00.000-04:00

Purgery (terrible, I know) -Someone came into the office today to clean the water cooler. There's a problem. I had filled my water bottle an hour before. In six months of working here, this is the first time I've seen this thing being cleaned. How often do they do it? Let's assume they last cleaned it in June of 2004. And that might be perfectly okay. The water cooler has gotten

Thankless Thursday

2005-06-10T14:44:00.000-04:00

-The days are blending together...can't remember...never ever.-Spent a total of three hours on the phone with Sallie Mae. They promised me a chunky cash rebate on my student loans. Now they say I didn't choose the correct email notification preferences and I'm now disqualified. My reaction? "I'm being screwed out of a thousand dollars because I didn't want your spam? Fine, spam me. I'll

Wednesday Wuthering (6/8)

2005-06-10T14:39:00.000-04:00

-A little sleepy today. Okay, a lot.-Word of the day: apprise (v) To give notice to; inform: apprised us of our right to wear tight pants.

Dateline Tilsday (6/7)

2005-06-07T12:07:00.000-04:00

First thing this morning: Jamie calls to say that her flight out of Philly didn't leave until well after midnight. Poor girl...she spent the entire day in a plane without going anywhere. She called from her car, nearly home after arriving in Charlotte in the middle of the night. I would understand if she chose never to fly commercial again. Continental sucks...just plain shit. Every

Moribund Monday (6/6)

2005-06-07T12:06:00.000-04:00

Jessica is taking Jamie to the airport for us so we do our goodbyes before leaving for work. Traffic is...I'm running out of adjectives to describe my commute....atrocious. Hour and forty-five today.I quickly make some calls to the landlord about the AC situation and they promise to get someone out today. Around four I get a text message that Jamie's 1:00 flight is still delayed...and she's

Weekend Update

2005-06-07T12:03:00.000-04:00

Yes, Continental Airlines sucks. My sister's flight was scheduled to land at 5 pm Friday afternoon. Needless to say, she wasn't there until 9:30. The tardiness plus heavy rain nixed our plans to have dinner and explore Philly on a Friday night. The worst part is that her connection, where she was delayed so long, was Newark. Which, as the map proves, is less than 1/3 of the distance we drove

Friday Farce 6/3

2005-06-03T10:34:00.000-04:00

Ahh, the day that Jamie arrives. I'll be leaving work after lunch, which is close to having a long weekend. Close enough at least.Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K. In other words, some illness is going down at work. I don't want to give away too many details, but someone is running their mouth behind my back. Let the pissing contest begin.Why do I like shitty music? Not often, but

Thursday, in June. 6/2

2005-06-02T21:58:00.000-04:00

Pretend you have a paper due at the end of the semester. It was assigned on the first day. You haven't looked at it until the last three weeks. You know you have to do it. It won't go away. Yet every day you let it go, it becomes that much harder to tackle, that much bigger in your mind.That's exactly why I haven't posted in a while. Every day I fell more behind, and thought to myself that

It's coming

2005-05-24T16:31:00.000-04:00

New post coming soon...promise.

Thursday

2005-05-20T12:25:00.000-04:00

-Complete heartbreak. There are a ton of geese in this area because of our proximity to the canals and river. Plenty of wet areas. The geese also like these corporate parks because of the large drainage areas, expansive lawns and man made ponds to explore.-The eggs hatched sometime in April and I've been watching three different geese families with their yellow/brown fuzzy goslings. So cute.

Wednesday is long

2005-05-18T22:39:00.000-04:00

-Not wild, nor weird, nor wacky. Just long.-Three of my work "peers" were out today so I was alone on the inside team. What fun. What's that dripping off my chin? Oh right, sarcasm.-I did get invited to lunch which turned out to be a mixed blessing. As the driving arrangments were quickly decided in the parking lot, I was left to ride with the new vendor rep that nobody knows. This is just

Tuesday's Gone (5/17)

2005-05-18T22:34:00.000-04:00

-Catchy title, ne pas?-Thoroughly uneventful day for me. I remember not doing anything...at all really. Went to work, came home. Karen had some fun work news but I can't talk about it.-Okay, I will say this: one of her coworkers has gone geurrilla agressive on her. This whale-woman makes superflous trips to my wife's cube, conveniently 'forgets' why she came over, farts, and leaves the scene

Monday is for Suckers

2005-05-17T12:10:00.000-04:00

-And Virginia is for Losers.-TRAFFIC!!!! Why me? I'm going to flip out. Yes, there is a back roads way, but it took an hour and a half as well. No relief in sight.-Uneventful night. Karen spent some time doing internet research while I watched some Tivo'd Ali G show, Isle of Wight concert footage, and some HiDef documentary about bears. A varied palette.-Interesting note of the day: our

Sunday of Note

2005-05-16T12:28:00.000-04:00

-The wife wakes me at the ungodly hour of 8:00 so I can take her out to breakfast. Sleepy eyed, I navigate us over to the diner and we get a table almost instantly. Trust me, this is a small miracle.-I order an apple juice. A small apple juice. Karen rolls her eyes and complains that I should just get the large for thirty cents more. I reply that it's not the price, it's the quantity. Why

Slowcooked Saturday (5/14)

2005-05-16T12:18:00.000-04:00

-Having finally put the previous night's problems to bed, Karen and I drove up to Newark to do work the soup kitchen. Didn't want to get up early, but it's only once a month so I'm not bothered. I find myself on hamburger duty, loading and unloading trays of hamburgers into and out of the oven. Greasy work. The semi-cooked burgers are then run out to the grill to be fully done.-The sun kept

Fearsome Friday (5/13)

2005-05-16T12:08:00.000-04:00

-The day of many phone calls.-Problems with air travel reservations and my terrible reaction pretty much ruined the night. I don't want to remember.

Thursday of Legend

2005-05-12T19:30:00.000-04:00

-Yesterday's TPS report is still causing aftershocks. A quick whirl of emails seems to clear up the problem and I'm back to my regular work. Frustrating day.-Karen and I have decided to sell neon necklaces in the parking lot of Six Flags if these desk jobs don't work out.-Finally got a haircut, and only a month too late this time.-Tonight I will write. Indeed.

Wednesday Not Wacky (5/11)

2005-05-12T19:26:00.000-04:00

-I totally screwed up my TPS report and it's biting me in the ass. -Did three miles on the elliptical while watching Coming to America (only 25 minutes worth). I'm determined to drop this 'desk-job weight' I've gained.

Tuesday, Corporate Accounts Payable Nina Speaking

2005-05-10T13:58:00.000-04:00

-For some unknown reason, both 1 and 9 were closed this morning which dumped an ungodly amount of traffic onto the parkway and 287. Almost two hours getting to work. WTF?-Typical Tuesday, put out some fires and try to stay busy. Go to the golf course for lunch and abuse the putting green for half an hour. Now I'm hungry again. Like the wolf.-Finally scheduled that haircut for Thursday. It's

Sounds Like Somebody Has a Case of the Mondays.

2005-05-09T22:32:00.000-04:00

-I love living in Red Bank; it's so alive. There are always plenty of people out walking in town on even a modestly warm night. It's like a vacation town, but we all live here. We can't all buy a house here though. And by we, I mean me.-In a rare reversal, morning traffic was worse than night traffic. I'd actually prefer it was always like that, because at 6 o'clock, I want to be home, not

Sunday's Journey Into Night (5/08)

2005-05-09T12:29:00.000-04:00

-Mother's Day. Indeed. Slept in til 10, wasted time around the house, then got cleaned up and rolled over to Kevin and Jenny's for the festivities.-Just inside the gates at their place, we see a woman in a van looking quite lost. Window down, she held some handwritten directions in her hand. Feeling helpful, I rolled down my window and asked if she needed help finding anything. I didn't get

Saturday Spectacular Spectacular (5/07)

2005-05-07T15:51:00.000-04:00

-Woke up at 9:45 when Karen was leaving. Second day in a row I had a dream that I was a cop. This time I was trying to catch a killer who was going to parties in the function rooms of big hotels. Sounds weird, and it is. I can't explain the inexplicable setting this was in: strange futuristic hotels (shaped like a big pineapple) in which there were many luau type parties going on inside. The

Let's blog this pic again.

2005-05-06T16:24:00.000-04:00

day after engagement Originally uploaded by mtanner10. I love this dress on her.

Fists of Fury Friday (5/06)

2005-05-06T15:36:00.000-04:00

-Traffic was delightfully light this morning. How sad is it that the traffic conditions make my daily list of important information? I need a fucking helicopter.-I was pondering some recent events and their relevance to the process of growing up. Remembering high school and early college, the possibilities seemed endless. I can major in anything I want and I'll easily find a great, high

Thoroughly Thursday 5-5-5

2005-05-05T13:13:00.000-04:00

-Has anyone else seen the movie 555? It's a FUMAC horror classic. Looks like it was shot on a 1980 shoulder mount VHS camcorder. The sets are only half built, there is no story, and plenty of blood is spilled. Moving on.-Traffic was ungodly again. What is going on? Passover ends and there are more people on the road than before? I need a schvitz. Is that how you spell it? Where are my

Wacky Wednesday (5/4)

2005-05-04T08:39:00.000-04:00

-Ahh, el cuatro de Mayo. I spelled cuatro right this time. Years of Audi ads led me to believe that quattro was 4 in Spanish; turns out it's just all wheel drive.-Driving to work, I heard an interview with Orlando Bloom (promoting Kingdom of Heaven) on Z100. They cut straight to commercial afterward, so I jumped to 95.5 to see what their wacky morning crew was up to. Lo and behold, they were

Tuesday again (5/3)

2005-05-03T22:23:00.000-04:00

-After working a while, Tuesday through Thursday blend into one long sucky day. Traffic was awful this afternoon. Hour and a half to get home. New Jersey is now costly in both money and time.UPDATE-Watched the Amazing Race, pissed that Rob and Amber regained the lead, more pissed that Redneck Ron and Kunt Kelly were able to move back to 2nd.-Stayed up late, working from 10:15 to 11:45.

Monday, the bitch. (5/02)

2005-05-02T10:18:00.000-04:00

-Why can't I shake off the cobwebs today? Dragging, mentally behind.-Just overheard someone say that they were taking the day off because they have to buy a toilet and do some shit. Hopefully the first part won't be delayed...-It poured like hell on the way home. I tried being a pussy on the gas pedal and managed to average 27.7 mpg. Why is this interesting? I don't know.-Karen pulls her "

Sleeper Sunday (5/1)

2005-05-02T10:03:00.000-04:00

-Laziest Sunday on modern record. Slept in again. Got up, ate, wrote a few emails, watched some TV, cleaned up a little, showered at 5 pm, watched some more TV, folded laundry, watched two new Simpsons, Housewives, and the triumphant return of Family Guy and American Dad, and went to bed.-Family Guy is fantastic...so nice to see new episodes.-Biggest regret on the weekend: not writing a page.