Friday, July 06, 2007

In Today's Penis Enlargement Email...

It's hard to imagine the conversion rate for the hordes of penis enlargement emails coming from former soviet states and other eastern bloc IP's. If you're sending to millions at a time, how many click through to your site?

Well, there's one thing I'm sure of: you could be doing a lot better. Punch up the writing a bit and stop leaving money on the table.

Phrases like "Now your phallus will be in the center of all womens eyes, and you will fill yourself like a Real Man!" don't hit home. I like the use of phallus; it's a classy touch and classy guys, such as me, appreciate that. Being the center of all womens eyes may sound nice, but what does it really mean?

As for filling myself (like a Real Man), well, it's starting to sound like work, and I'm just not in the mood for that. I'm reading your email in search of a quick fix; if I was interested in doing work I might as well address the glaring personal flaws and emotional depth charges waiting to detonate. And why is Real Man capitalized like a proper noun -- is there a recognized group of Real Men I'm being compared to? If so, I'd consider trademarking the name as a show of legitimacy. But that's me.

However, lyrical majesty such as, "Be ready to any imagination!" is clearly perfect - don't mess with success.

I'm thinking, with my skills, I could find some really gainful employment over there. I would settle into some nice hovel and polish copy bound for millions upon millions of email users. I'd be famous. No, wait, I'd be infamous.

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