Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Investment Advice

News Flash! Someone took the time to email me, that's right, ME, important investment advice. I'm so lucky. Let's take a look at the highlights of the message:

"We Told last week at 1.20 to WATCH and now its $2.35 and
we think it goes to $4.00 on expected news this week..."


Slow down big fella, what's the rush? You sound like an out of breath five year old with ADD. But, I'm listening.

Harbin Pingchuan Pharmaceutical: (PGCN)Current Price: $2.35
***We told you there was going to be a BIG move on THURSDAY, FRIDAY, MONDAY, AND TUESDAYand we think WEDNESDAY COULD BE HUGH !!!!!!

Hmm, Chinese pharmaceutical company-wait, Hugh? Who the hell is that? I thought you were talking to me. You must be talking to me, I'm the only one here. And those asterisks are definitely a plus. Nothing gets my investment bone itchin' like excessive punctuation.

NEWS RELEASE:PGCN MAKES HUGH MOVE, UP A AMAZING $1.15 - IN 5 DAYS OF TRADING !!!
***WE URGE YOU TO PUT PGCN ON YOUR RADAR FOR WEDNESDAY AUGUST 3, 2005***

Mmmm, more asterisks and exclamation points, keep talking. Talk slower. And your disregard for proper grammar has me reaching for the checkbook. But this Hugh fellow has me weirded out.

****REASON TO WATCH PGCN****
Make no mistake: Our mission at SmallCap-Investors is to claw our way through the thousands of underperforming companies out there to find the golden needle in thehaystack the micro-cap DIAMOND that can make you rich. More often than not, the stockswe profile show a significant increase in stock price and sometimes in days, not months or years.
Do this often enough, and your portfolio can double, even TRIPLE in value.

Triple? Damn, that's even more than double. Who do I make the check to?

Disclaimer:
The publisher of this newsletter does not represent that the information contained in this message states all material facts or does not omit a material fact necessary to make the statements therein notmisleading.

Huh? So you don't not say that you're not forgetting to not include something that might not make this something I'd rather not invest in? Is that it?

None of the material within this report shall be construed as any kind of investment advice or solicitation.

What was all that Hugh moves on my radar talk about?

Many of these companies are on the verge of bankruptcy. You can lose all your money by investing in this ST0CK.

A minute ago we were talking about tripling my portfolio. Now they're on the verge of bankruptcy? Wow, the market sure moves fast. It's a good thing I've got you boys working for me and not the other guy.

The publisher of this newsletter is contracted to receive six hundred thousand free trading shares from a third party, not an officer, director or affiliate shareholder for the circulation of this report. Be aware of an inherent conflict of interest resulting from such compensation due to the fact that this is a paid advertisement and is not without bias. The party that paid us has a position in the ST0CK they will sell at anytime without notice. This could have a negative impact on the price of the ST0CK, causing you to lose money.

Hold the phone. I may not understand all the in's and out's of globalization, but I think I see what's going on here. I think I'll invest the money where my family has done business for generations: the track.

3 comments:

madman said...

That was funny--and not expected!

Conni said...

Did they really include that disclaimer? Too funny

Brooks said...

Thanks madamn. And yes, Conni, I cut & pasted everything right out of the email.