Friday, June 24, 2005

Freakin' Friday 6/24

-Whew, that was a long night. Went to the Yankees game with my Dad last night; had a great time. Tickets, free. Parking, $12. Two sodas, one hotdog, one pretzel, $18.50. Taking my Dad to Yankees stadium for the first time, priceless.

-There were four guys sitting behind us that didn't shut up. Thankfully they were 30-something contractors from Lawn G'Island and it was hilarious to hear them bicker. Definitely the kind of stuff you can't make up.

The guy on the aisle was named Blubber, because he was huge. So big that he had to have the aisle on one side and an empty seat on the other. Yankee Stadium seats aren't the most accommodating, so this guy might find himself paying for two tickets next time. Can you imagine dropping a couple hundred bucks on World Series tickets and having to sit next some guy already using half your seat?

The stadium vendors quickly realized that these guys were a gold mine. They didn't pass on a single thing, except for the guy selling soda. Thirty dollar rounds of beer, $5 Crackerjack, $6 peanuts, $4 hot dogs, more didn't matter. They must have dropped $150 on snacks. You could have sold them anything:
"Timeshares, get your timeshares."
"Yo, we'll take four."
"Human kidneys, human kidneys, who wants a kidney."
"Hey pal, two each over here."
"Angel dust, get positively destroyed on Angel Dust."
"Buddy, up here, set us up with a taste."

Blubber was by far the most vocal and my only regret is that I didn't have anything to record them with. Here are my favorite bits (that I can remember):

"Look at that, the (girl in the) pink hat. Yo, I bet that bitch has a stinky box."

(Discussing a major league pitcher their friend knows) "He got divorced and the bitch took him for a fuckin' ride. But you should see the whore he's got now. Fuckin' incredible."
"What, you seen this bitch?"
"I seen her picture."

(Discussing a friend named Underwear, who apparently came into some money) "And you know that light blue Pontiac? He paid for that. You know Dawn Fratangelo? He bought her car and put teeth in her head. Right into her fuckin' jaw."


Mattyc said...

When I hear about people like that, first I shudder, second I feel dead inside and think, "wow"

madman said...

I didn't know we were being that loud. Tell your Dad we meant no disrespect. Matt--I hope you too can forgive us.

Brooks said...

Madman, you definitely get around...