-Losing my fucking mind today.
-I probably need an attitude adjustment, at least that's what I've been told in the past. Not since the early 90's, but the situation is similar enough.
-Some people don't have to go through this...
-Just returned from lunch at Subway. After I got my sandwich and sat down, they quickly ran out of all bread except honey oat and wheat. A woman came in and looked at the bread selection.
"I'll have a footlong chicken bacon melt on Italian," she said.
"I'm sorry, we only have honey oat and wheat left," replied the courteous sandwich artist.
"Honey oat wheat?"
"No, honey oat or wheat."
"Do you have hearty Italian?"
"No, we only have honey oat or wheat."
"Do you have anything else?"
This is quite true. The sound of my eyes rolling probably echoed for blocks.
-I may have scared a few people in the building today. Everyday, I have an apple for breakfast. Due to my unfortunate childhood accident (so cold...), I am unable to bite into an apple with my front teeth. Naturally, I cut it into wedges before leaving for work.
Today, running later than normal, I didn't have time for such luxuries. Still wanting my apple, I grabbed the only clean tool out of the block: an 8 inch filet knife. Wrapped it with the granny smith and rushed to drop the wife at the train station. Got to work, cut my apple, ate it. Perfecto.
In between 8 and lunch, I started losing my mind and wishing for a meteor to fall from the gods and end my work day. Under much stress, I left for lunch carrying the knife (better to leave it in the car). In my slightly distracted state, I made it all the way to the parking lot before realizing that I had a serial killer's grip on the handle. From a wide enough angle, my scowl and deadly weapon probably looked good enough to call the cops over. I wasn't going to murder anyone, it just appeared that way. I swear.